Vows that Transcend: Creating Authentic & Lasting Relationship Commitments

Hello Friends,

A few weeks ago, I officiated a wedding that I had been working on with the couple for many months. Following the ceremony, more than a couple guests remarked on how personalized, authentic and moving the ceremony was. I loved hearing that feedback because it is exactly what I strive to co-create with couples – a wedding that is truly theirs. I don’t design or facilitate “typical” wedding ceremonies – I take the time to get to know people, support them in their relationship, and help them to build a ceremony that is intentionally theirs. A ceremony that reflects who they are as individuals and a couple, what their experiences have been prior, what they wish for their future, and especially why they are committing to one another.

What’s in a vow?

One of the most important components of the work I do with couples leading up to their wedding is guiding them in a process of writing their relationship commitments, which we typically call “vows.” I see these commitments as an opportunity to really reflect on and solidify what matters to them – what they are truly committing to as a couple. And I always recommend that couples look at these commitments as something they can have as a foundation for their relationship and something that they can come back to anytime to check in on how they’re doing (I even have sessions with some couples around their one-year anniversary to check back in on how they’re doing).

Are second weddings as important?

photo by Kari Herer Photography

There was one interesting piece of feedback that really stuck with me from that wedding a few weeks ago: someone specifically mentioned how surprised they were at how authentic and moving the ceremony was given it was a second marriage for both individuals in the couple. Both individuals in the couple had been married previously, had been raising children and living full lives, and had then found each other. They had a really beautiful relationship and they wanted to have a ritual to commit to one another and also were excited to have all the people they loved together. But, there was some hesitation at points because of the “perception” of having a second wedding and the idea of saying “vows” when they had previously “broken their vows.” 

I don’t see it this way at all. I trust that some people who have been divorced opt not to get married again, or to not have a big wedding. But I think weddings, no matter the situation, are a wonderful opportunity for celebration and a coming together of community. And I believe, no matter your relationship experience, that there is immense value in moving through the process of reflection and honoring the relationship as well as your own journeys: in intentionally choosing how you want to show up for one another, and in developing relationship agreements that can be the foundation of your relationship. In fact, I often find that relationship reflections and agreements mean that much more to someone who has navigated a marriage before. That was surely true with this couple and it was an honor to witness. 

Whether you choose to elope, have a huge wedding celebration or something in between; whether you are young, old, never married, married before, have kids or not, there is value in the process and ritual of co-creating and moving through a commitment ritual (wedding ceremony in this case) that really honors you, your relationship and what you want and are creating moving forward. 

Weddings are so much more than the celebration. They offer an opportunity to create a meaningful ritual to honor an important life transition, and to move forward with intention and connection.

If you know someone who is engaged or planning a commitment ceremony of some sort, I would love to connect with them about their relationship and their ceremony. I work with couples that see their wedding as a chance to reflect and be intentional about their relationship moving forward. Couple that want to have a ceremony that is truly customized to who they are and what matters to them. I offer a few different packages based on how much support a couple would like – you can check that out on my new wedding page.

Thanks friends - may you find moments of joy, connection and intention as the seasons begin to shift.

Rev. Dev
The Connected Way™